Before there were three there were two.
Before there were two there was one.
Before there was one there was me, not yet aware of the expanse of my heart.
Each time a new child joins our family, my heart breaks for the ones already there. The ones who will have to share the attention, who will lose their places as the center of the world. The ones who are patted briefly on the head while the new child is swept up by adoring arms.
It is hard to share the spotlight, the love, the everything.
This time around it is the child who was most excited about having a baby brother who is feeling conflicted about the reality of our new family demographic. The child who most wanted a little guy to lead by the hand, another sibling to wrestle with and whisper to at night; this is the child who now sulks in the corner, feeling ignored.
My precious love.
I know how hard this is. I know that you never expected to feel this way, that it is embarrassing and weird to feel this way. That more than anything you want it all to go back to normal.
A normal where your parents aren't too busy changing diapers, or tucking a baby into bed, or reading board books over and over--where they have the time to play legos with you. To snuggle with you and listen to your secrets. A normal where you don't have to fight with your sister for the baby's attention. Where *you* are the one who is the funniest, cutest and most special.
Sweet boy. I promise you, normal is coming.
It will be here before you know it. One day you will wake up and the black cloud will be lifted from your tiny stressed-out heart. One day you will hear your younger brother calling out your name with joy, and together the two of you will roll and tumble in the grass like milk-fed puppies.
One day soon we will spread out a picnic blanket beneath the stars. You can curl up in the nook of my left arm and I will cradle your brother in my right arm. Your papa and your sister will be by your side and together the five of us will watch the clouds race across the moon. We will laugh and tell stories until one by one all three of my babes will drift off into sleep. Without knowing it your sleep ballet will bring you close to one another--and by the time all three of you are snoring you will be nestled into one another. Your limbs will be entangled and you will breathe deep the dreams of your siblings.
You will forget that life was any other way.
Until that time, please know that I am well aware of your bruised and tender insides. I know how you are trying your best to put on a brave and happy face.
You can let it go. You can cry and scream until the ick is gone.
I'll be here. Your brother will be here.
We've got nothing but love.