**This post is the second in a series about our adoption process to date.
So, I think we established in the last post that Sean and I are kind of jerks for adopting YH.
I'm kidding, I'm kidding --sort of. The fact is it really sucks all around that this sweet kid "needs" to be adopted. I am confident that our family will embrace him, and do our best to support him, and nurture him to grow into the best YH he can be. But it stinks that his first mother doesn't get the chance to do that.
I am not going to go into the specifics of how YH came to be available for international adoption but I will say that he was relinquished at birth. He spent a brief period of time in a reception center and then at 14 days old moved in with his foster family. His second mother, Mrs. S, is his primary caregiver. She spends every day with him--feeding him, sleeping with him on her chest, dressing him in ridiculously cute outfits, bathing him, wiping his nose, taking him for walks in the park--she is his everything.
See this picture?
Now see this?
I am committed to facilitating a relationship between YH and his Second Mother for as long as she is a willing participant. I can't imagine having to hand over the baby you have raised for two years to another family and I want to acknowledge that our joy is complicit in her grief. I can't prevent that grief but I can hopefully help ease the tidal pull of it by sending her updates and photos and "allowing" her to continue to love YH (and him to love her).
This concept of "allowing" someone to continue to love the child they have raised is a weird one (of course I don't have power over another woman's heart) but there are adoptive parents who feel it is in the child's best interest to cut off all ties with the foster family. There are adoptive parents who feel that since they are the "forever family" they have exclusive rights to their child's love and admiration. I think that's bullshit. YH and Mrs. S will always be connected--and that's a good thing.