Thursday, February 23, 2012



That's when emigration permit submissions are supposed to start for real. Understandably, those of us waiting to take custody of our children are a wee bit skeptical about this news. Some of us are even more than skeptical--some of us are angry, disbelieving, bitter.

I read a comment on the blog of an amazing advocate for Korea's children that really struck me. I am not judging this parent, as clearly he/she is in immense pain, but the main thrust of the comment was that the person had put away all pictures of the child they were waiting to take custody of. He/she had erased all traces of the child in the home because it was too painful to look at them and consider that this child might never join his/her family.

Ouch. Oh, friend.

I will not take down any of the pictures of YH that we have around the house.

I love that little boy and I will wait as long as it takes for a decision about his future to be made. I hope that the decision will be for him to join our family but if it turns out that he is to remain in Korea I will continue to love him. And to wish him health and happiness.

My frustration with the process as it stands right now, with this "unexpected" delay, will not color my feelings toward my child or the country where he was born.

My fellow waiting parents are beginning to exhibit a most American trait: the willingness and desire to raise our voices in protest.  The belief that getting our government involved will quickly fix this "problem". The notion that if we are loud enough, go to media outlets, get congress involved, we can expedite the Korean government's process. (A process that, BTW, is actually not delayed--there was no "start date" announced by the Korean ministry. The US agencies and the Korean placing agencies *assumed* based on years past that emigration permits would be processed in early January.)

I am thankful that I live in a country where I am allowed to protest what I perceive as injustice. I am thankful that my voice has the potential to influence policies and procedures here, in the US. But I am in no way arrogant enough to think that my voice, my country's voice, should/could hold sway over another country's established process. Because that process is not moving fast enough for me.

Yes--I fully support advocating for the best interests of children who need homes. Of course.

But the desperate pleas and tantrums of waiting families are beginning to take on a strong tone of entitlement. Of cultural imperialism. Of judgement.

I am owed NOTHING by the Korean government.
My son-to-be however, is deserving of choices made in his best interest.

 Let's all take a deep breath. If you believe in God, pray. If you practice yoga, spend a few extra minutes in child's pose. If you play roller derby, skate extra hard.

If you can bear it, look at a picture of your child-to-be.

Good things come to those who wait.

1 comment:

  1. Amen. What I'm hearing out there on the interwebs is starting to scare me. I certainly understand the emotions behind the words, but some of the things I am hearing are making me cringe. We are so incredibly blessed that the Korean govt allows us to parent these amazing children. We are not entitled to anything.