As I've said before the internet and its instantaneous access to information and rumor can be a blessing and a curse for those families pursuing international adoption.
It is a blessing to get frequent updates from your agency. It is a blessing to see a video file of your child-to-be waiting in your inbox. It is a blessing to connect with other parents the world over who are also adopting a child.
I have learned so much from the friends I have made through blogs and internet forums. SO MUCH.
But the dark side of the internet and these online friendships is that it makes it so much easier for rumours to fly. For frustrations to mount. For the words of one person's angry vent to crush the little hope remaining to another waiting parent.
It is so hard. So hard to get your hopes up and see them dashed again. To have no control over the process. To know intellectually what the *right* thing to do is, and at the same time have your heart screaming for decisive action.
Several families have joined together to lift their hearts in prayer for movement on the emigration permit front. I am thankful to them for harnessing their faith for all the children waiting to join their families. I am.
But--there are many of us who do not pray. Who do not share the same faith practices and who do not find comfort in scripture. And to these parents I want to say that I am putting so much positive energy out into the universe. For your child, for my child, for all the children. I believe the universe will come through for us. I really, really do.
I understand if your heart and your spirit need to take a break. If you need to rebuild the protective walls that will allow you to be the best parent you can be for your child. I want you to be strong.
I understand if it seems like this journey will end with your arms empty and your heart broken. I wish we lived in the same city. I would buy you coffee and we could weep and laugh into our cups while the Replacements played in the background. We could go thrifting and buy tiny little 70s sweaters for our sons.
I believe it will happen. I'm happy to believe for both of us. I'll carry both our sons in my heart. Take time for yourself and let me know when you're ready to believe again.